Google DeathRay destroys Washington, D.C., JibJab escapes unscathed!

World Leaders Thrilled, Microsoft disappointed, Google embarrassed!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
By Offun D. Cuff

New York City, N.Y.-- Less than two hours ago, Washington, D.C. and the enclosing area of approximately fifty square miles around it was destroyed. Sources have learned that it was the Google DeathRay that was responsible for the devastation and tremendous loss of life. Apparently, Google, heard unconfirmed reports that JibJab was planning on doing a satirical animation short on the company, most particularly because of Google's recent ascension to the new title of Evil Empire (taking that coveted title away from longtime rival and holder of the title, Microsoft.)

Apparently, the goliath decided to take matters into their own hands to prevent such an embarrassing contesting of their absolute power and unleashed their infamous and always legally deniable Space Satellite DeathRay (bought for a song at a government Star Wars surplus auction last year.)

Unfortunately, to the company's embarrassment, their intelligence was in error on the location of the famous JibJab brothers, Gregg and Evan Spiridellis. Google bigwigs assumed that JibJab would be located in Washington, D.C., where the powerful and power-mad reside in comfort and isolation, staying easily out of touch with the concerns and needs of the rest of the country. JibJab is actually located in Santa Monica, CA. The Chamber of Commerce of Santa Monica, when asked, indicated that they would be activating their anti-pun forceshield and leaving it active for the next few weeks, just in case Google decides to have another go.

We were unable to reach JibJab for comment.

According to O.N. Wannabenot, a foreign correspondent with the always reputable news agency, The Onion, when other countries heard about the tragic loss of the D.C. area and all of its inhabitants, they were thrilled. When it was revealed later that President Bush and most of his cabinet were not in residence at the time, but were in fact in Texas at a conservative Republican BBQ and therefore completely unharmed by the attack, world leaders expressed their regret.

In retaliation for the attack, the U.S. government was reported to have secretly released a Google Virus. This NSA created virus is reputed to be extremely virulent. It rewrites the operating system, when the user tries to reboot, so that the words "The NSA and Bush are your friends…you have nothing to fear from your current government. Trust your government and George Bush! We know what's best for you." It also crashes any device with Google software, Google links or the word Google on its hard drive.

When asked, Microsoft reported that it was thrilled, but later changed from that euphoria when they realized that it simply meant more free press for Google—and when they realized that even more than 50% (the previous penetration number quoted for Google) of internet connected devices out there were being infected by the Google Virus.

Not even a Microsoft targeted virus ever made that kind of dent in the market, experts say! Microsoft exec's promised that they would continue their campaign to regain their Evil Empire status, so that they could regain their "most favored software company" status with virus writers everywhere.

Note: No Republicans were actually barbequed at the President's BBQ. (A few democrats were though—and they were considered a leaner cut than their fat cat opponents and a therefore, much healthier choice among the calorie conscious.)

This is a satirical spoof, meaning, don't take it seriously.

CG Anderson is a 10 year market researcher and web strategist involved in technology, science and the online world. Also a writer, blogger and novelist. CG's comments are personal and opinionated and solely the responsibility of the author, so there. Don't like the opinions, disagree, agree, don't know? Great, make a comment—clean ones will be allowed, netiquette-challenged ones will be ignored!
Blog site: http://ahablogolicious.blogspot.com/
URL: http://home.myuw.net/cganders/