FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
By Bi G. Gotchya
Redmondo Land, WA. AHA! BLOGOLICIOUS! has learned that Microsoft, the world's largest software maker, has announced a new version of its massively popular video game HALO. HALO 26 will be released, according to Microsoft and Bungie, its internal game division that used to be a separate company, early in the year 2026.
As to why the video game and software giant, which recently lost its favored title of Evil Empire to rival search giant, Google, is choosing to announce such a long-lead time for its product, it is simple, says Program Manager E.Z. Gameman.
"We know our customers and we know that they are tired of us announcing products then pushing back the release date at the last minute," says Mr. Gameman. "We also know that gamers are always anxious to see previews of the next rev of a popular game, like Halo. So even though Halo 2 has just been released and Halo 3 is still just a few demo shots, we thought we'd go ahead and let our loyal customers know about what's in store for them in Halo 26 and start building the buzz now."
Gameman promises that the action will be greater in Halo 26, the graphics more realistic, including full body-suit VR immersion and completely neural networked game play across the Internet. (Psychological or physical damages are the responsibility of the user.) As for the story, it will be essentially unchanged. The soldiers never do manage to get off the damn planet or find the final evil alien conqueror, as per gaming requirements in all FPS adventures. (First Person Shooter.)
However, for those first lucky few that decide to pre-purchase the game now in order to be the first to receive it, Microsoft has signed a co-marketing deal with Genetics-R-Us, a leading gene therapy company in the Seattle area. The first five hundred pre-purchasers of Halo 26 will also get a complementary cloned body part of their choice. (Shipping, legal fees and leakage insurance not included.)
However, Microsoft expects pre-sales to be brisk, so hopeful gamers should purchase now. In order to qualify for the free cloned body part, all purchases must be made before June 2007. Sorry, no upgrades allowed.
This is a satirical spoof, meaning, don't take it seriously.
CG Anderson is a 10 year market researcher and web strategist involved in technology, science and the online world. Also a writer, blogger and novelist. CG's comments are personal and opinionated and solely the responsibility of the author, so there. Don't like the opinions, disagree, agree, don't know? Great, make a comment—clean ones will be allowed, netiquette-challenged ones will be ignored!Blog sites: http://ahablogolicious.blogspot.com/
URL: http://home.myuw.net/cganders/
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